the third sex

I was in Laos last week. I had gone up into the mountains for a couple of days, where it was pouring with rain, and then I came back to Vientiane, where it was also pouring with rain. Well, it is the rainy season.

Vientiane is a nice place in any kind of weather, a town so small you can get around it on foot, and with very little traffic.  I sploshed about in the streets for a bit, then went back to the hotel. The rain  had  managed to wash out the building’s  internet  system, so I left my laptop in the room and went down to the business centre  in the hope that  it was only the in-room  connection that was suffering.

To my great surprise, the girl on the business centre desk was a ladyboy. To ordinary mortals, she would have appeared a genetic girl, neatly dolled up in a businesslike jacket and skirt and with her hair primly fastened back. But with my super-sensitive ladyboy vision, I knew. And she knew I knew.

No, I didn’t have my evil way with her across the desk. I’m sorry to disappoint you. But this did make me realise how even Laos is changing in its attitude towards the third sex. The country is very gentle, very friendly and very welcoming but it is still, ostensibly at least, Commie. It is not, in theory, big on what it sees as Western decadence.


You can find girls easily enough in Vientiane, and also boys. Ladyboys are more difficult, but a tuk-tuk driver would take you to a bar where you could find a few. But as to ladyboys working in a mainstream business, that is something I have never seen before in Laos.

There was not the opportunity to find out more from the lady behind the desk. Another staff member was in the room, and there were a couple of guests. And I was checking out that evening. So I’ll just have to go back next time I’m there, probably within the next two months, and see if she is still around.

My old friend Seymour Totti interviewed me a while back for his site (you can find the full interview here ) and during the course of a long conversation about the origins of my interest in ladyboys, he asked me if I had ever had any interest in the more camp aspects of British theatre.
 
It was a fair enough question. Any British kid going to a pantomime is going to see men dressed as women (and girls dressed as boys), and there is an honourable tradition of female impersonators and drag artists that goes back way into history.
 
Seymour mentioned one name in particular, Danny La Rue, who was a famous female impersonator during the time when I was an adolescent and consequently open to anything which had even the vaguest hint of sexuality about it.
 
Did such acts ever prod your curiosity, he asked me.
 
No, was the answer. Not in the slightest. I found Danny La Rue to be tedious and embarrassing. The same went for pantomime dames and drag characters in stage farces, and even as a kid I would find them silly and completely unfunny. Drag queens are a different species, but they always seemed to be middle-aged men trying to fulfil fantasies of their own, and I had no interest in them.
 
In other words, I didn’t find any of them provocative or entertaining. I found them really rather distasteful. As to the origin of men dressing as women for stage productions, I would assume that has its roots in the time when women were not allowed on stage, and female roles were taken by boys and men.

Seymour then asked me about the Thai theatre’s long history of casting males in female roles. I said that I thought essentially that tradition sprang from a different source.
 
Ancient Buddhist texts including the Tipitaka, on which the Buddhist scriptures of Thailand, Burma, and Sri Lanka are based, recognise the existence of at least three sexes, and sometimes as many as five.
 
Traditionally, Thais believe that karma is the reason a person is born as transsexual. The kathoey is paying back for transgressions in a previous existence, and is therefore to be pitied and possibly even envied, because she is in the process of working off a large spiritual debt, presumably leaving the way clear for a better existence next time round

So the kathoey is accepted as being part of society. You will find them throughout Thailand. In provincial towns everywhere, you will find a kathoey community. In the remotest villages you are even likely to find one or two. Visit a temple fair, and you will almost invariably see a kathoey beauty contest, or a stage performance featuring kathoeys. Out of this grew the cabaret concept.

So I believe that the tradition of ladyboy stage performers reflects the fact that they have always been an important part of Thai society, on one level having a very visible presence that is hard to ignore, and on another level having a spiritual quality that can be used to good dramatic effect. They are also of course used to add humour to a theatrical production. Whether performing for the royal court or for makeshift stage shows out in the sticks, a production would reflect life and would also need to entertain.
 
It is all a fascinating subject, and as I have said on this page before, one that cries out for serious research.

A friend of mine in town for the past week or so and eagerly exploring Nana Plaza was puzzled by the sight of ladyboy clowns, who he saw wandering around the courtyard area. He asked me what they actually did.

I said that they would be putting on a show in one of the bars, and I’m not sure which one but it might be Hollywood. A girlie bar, anyway, because they are crowded: ladyboy bars attract an altogether different audience.

I added that ladyboy clowns, like ladyboys themselves, have a long tradition in Thailand. You can find them at temple fairs, at the nightclub-style cafes and, of course, at ladyboy cabarets. No doubt they go all the way back to the royal court entertainment of the days of Old Siam.

The clowns themselves are not necessarily ladyboys, but in appearance are somewhere between clown and drag queen: blacked-out teeth, big black nostrils, awesome wigs.

I have seen many of these acts over the years, and they can be extremely good. One of the funniest was at a talent show in the Ramkamhaeng district of Bangkok. The clown stood at a microphone, simpering, and started lip-syncing to a pop song. The joke was that something went wrong with the tape player and the music speeded up, and the clown tried to keep up with the pretence that he was miming to the increasingly frenetic song.

Best of all though was a double act that I saw in a ladyboy cabaret booked for a community party in Bangkok a few years ago. As I knew the performers, I was invited into the changing room before the show, where I tried desperately to pretend I wasn’t watching the ladyboys undressing and getting into their costumes. Instead I watched the two clowns putting on their makeup.

These were two middle-aged men, not in the least effeminate, although one had silicon breasts. Made-up, the one with breasts played the part of the woman, although with huge rubber genitalia sticking out the top of his pants. The other was made up as a man.

Out on the stage, the joke was that the man was trying to woo the woman, not seeing the enormous rubber cock that somehow got rammed into his face and his bottom at every opportunity, and on one occasion even using it as a peg to hang his jacket. The crowd fell about laughing, and I laughed so hard that tears came into my eyes. It was a brilliant performance.

So, if you are in Thailand and get the opportunity to catch one of these acts, I urge you to do so. A good one is unforgettable.

My maid arrived on Saturday with her young nephew, her brother’s son, in  tow.  The lad, who is nine years old,  was going to  use my swimming pool.  He  got changed and went happily downstairs to splash around for a couple of hours while his auntie did the ironing.

After he had gone my maid said, “We  think he will become ladyboy.”  I must have looked utterly gobsmacked, because she laughed at my expression.  “Not be surprised!  Lot of ladyboy now!”

I asked her why they thought the boy might develop in that direction, and she told me that he was becoming effeminate, sometimes liked to walk like a girl, and preferred playing with girls and girls’ toys. He also enjoyed looking at photographs of glamorous women, rather than the usual sort of thing that boys of that age take an interest in.

He was regularly teased by his schoolmates for all this, said my maid, but it all seemed good-natured: he certainly wasn’t being bullied.

To be honest he had just seemed like a normal, nice kid to me. Very polite, natural smile. Why do you think he would become like that, I asked her. She replied, and she has said this to me before, that a lot of young Thai boys don’t want to become Thai men. The lot of the working class Thai male is a tough one. The boy’s father is a hopeless case, and certainly no role model for a youngster.

The lad, my maid continued, is bright. He is also sensitive. Because my maid’s son is also a ladyboy, there are a lot of ladyboys around the family. Already the boy can see that the perceived glamour of being a ladyboy can lead to a good lifestyle, she said.

Time and time again I have spoken to ladyboys about how they first decided to follow their chosen path, and I have heard stories that stack up like this one. So often, the decision has been made before puberty. And yes, some have told me that they decided as young as eight or nine years old.

In other words, the lad could be a classic case. It’s too early to tell yet. But as the family is already talking about it, there is the distinct possibility.

Personally, I hope the boy straightens himself out and gets a good education that would at least give him the chance of a decent career. The ladyboy lifestyle may appear glamorous, and it often is, but there can be a great deal of heartache involved, for the ladyboy herself and for her family.

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One of the best things about being me is that I get some fascinating emails. Apart from the pure salacious, the downright adventurous and sometimes the absolutely hilarious, I also get some very thought provoking and informative correspondence. The writer of this item, who prefers to remain completely anonymous, has certainly taught me some facts I did not know. My thanks go to him for sharing this information.

One of the best reasons to visit Thailand is to meet ladyboys and what better to whet the appetite and sharpen the senses than the exceptional detail of Captain Outrageous’s photo galleries? There are so many views of each model and outstanding photographic attention paid to the exotic Thai cocks in all their states, shapes and sizes. No site I’ve seen pays such homage, so well, to the Thai male member.

However, a quick dip into ethnic sexology, which has quite a wealth of scientific info on the internet, seasoned with a dash of anthropology is also fun. Bizarre practises, ancient fetishes and big regional variations in sexual expression didn’t start with the Swinging Sixties. One of my favourites is the impossibly exotic Victorian explorer Sir Richard Francis Burton who spoke 19 languages, translated the Kama Sutra from Sanskrit and was said to personally sample every tribe or race, both male and female, he ever encountered.

Like most Easterners, Thais fit into the ’smaller’ category of cock – a sizing chart where Africans reign and Europeans come second. Not to say you cannot find some really ‘big’ ladyboys but those with fetishes for the gigantic will have a longer search in the East. And one is not talking relative size, since Thais are often short in body anyway.

Africans also have the longest, most tapered foreskins, the ‘aposthion’ so admired by the ancient (and bi-sexual) Greeks. Eastern Asians have the shortest foreskins and, as a glance in the galleries quickly shows, scant aposthions that are often baggy and seldom tapered.

Circumcision is a rarity in Thailand: Thais, except for a few Muslims from the South, are never put to the ‘knife’. Indeed circumcision is completely unknown in the traditional East – and Thais are very traditional.

Eastern people also have the highest incidence of phimosis, where the foreskin opening is too narrow to retract when erect (or at all) of any ethnic group. A study of young university males in China claimed 15 percent had phimosis against a world median of around 2 percent in adults.

The Japanese take phimosis very seriously, because it’s thought rude to show a cock with the foreskin up, even to one’s girlfriend. Going through LB photo galleries might give the idea that in Thailand, it’s rare to uncover the penis at all, even (or especially) at orgasm. Here’s a word of weird cultural advice – if you ever take a traditional Japanese bath, never get in with foreskin au naturel or you will cause serious offence and probably have the water ladle thrown at your nut.

The Koreans, always averse to things Japanese and perhaps reacting to centuries of colonial invasion have, on the other hand, recently taken to circumcision with a vengeance! Yet whilst Thai LBs seem not to mind any sort of radical gender surgery, often becoming ‘post-ops’ and having their willies sliced and diced, carved and cored into a vagina and labia or breasts and buttocks blown up with silicone and even Adam’s Apples ’shaved’ (ouch) it seems they are averse to any minor operation on a tight foreskin. One told me, ‘It not good but I scared of doctor.’ Now she’s a post-op.

You’ll spot lots of gals in the Captain’s galleries or other ladyboy sites who cannot retract their foreskin or only partially. There is often no cultural basis for surgery in the Orient – Chinese traditional medicine did not, for example, teach surgery at all. Is this the reason some Thais become LBs in their teens, because narrowness of the foreskin opening makes intercourse painful or impossible, and sometimes dangerous? It also means those LBs with phimosis cannot be tops and must take the passive role. Its worth investigating by any sexologist and let me volunteer.

Forced retraction can lead to dangerous swelling and a trip to the emergency room. Famous sufferers include Louis XVI of France, who was unable to make love to Marie Antoinette for many years until he was ’snipped’. His lack of heirs, and the rumour that Marie Antoinette (understandably) chose favours elsewhere made him disliked by the masses that he later had a far more serious condition, losing his other head – to the guillotine.

Is the average tourist aware that the Thai national health service offers free, expensive plastic surgery to repair foreskins damaged in accidents (that darned zipper again!) where every other socialised medical system would just slice the wounded bit off? Or that the Thai language has some half a dozen distinct words for various foreskins at various ages and stages of life?

Whatever, a LB lover will have a wonderful time with the amazingly diverse cocks of Thailand, from the creamy white and pink ones of Chiang Mai to dark and dusky members with heads the colour of ripe plums from Issan or the South – many with teasingly tight openings, novel foreskins and every shape or colour (curved seems almost a fashion and twisted 180 degrees on the axis is not unknown) in between. As was once said of London, when a man tires of the exotically different Thai cocks, he is tired of life.