the third sex

A friend of mine was in town during the summer break. A Brit who lives in Hong Kong and who is a journalist, he had come to Thailand to visit a monastery that holds a regular fair devoted to the art of tattooing. He doesn’t speak Thai, and he was travelling alone. Wandering around the fair, watching the tattoo artists plying their trade on the large number of Thai men who thronged the grounds, he gratefully accepted the offer of a seat from one of the stallholders.

He thought something might be amiss when it was indicated that he might like to take off his shirt, and this was confirmed when the tattoo needle began pricking into his back. To cut the story short, he now has a beautiful Buddhist tattoo between his shoulder blades. You’re not even a Buddhist, I told him, when he showed me. It would have made more sense if you had had a pair of tits tattooed on your back, or the Manchester United badge. That would be more in keeping with your religion.

“Har har har,” he replied. “I’ll have you know this is an entry-level Buddhist tattoo, and now I can have any other tattoo I like. I could even make myself bullet-proof with the appropriate tattoo.”

Thais have always, throughout their history, taken tattooing very seriously. Time and time again, I will be photographing a ladyboy and I will see a tattoo: very often a tiny, personal little tattoo such as a small swastika on the inside of the right ankle, a tiny T-shaped mark or character on one of the fingers, or a more elaborate religious symbol on an arm or the back.

Very often these are not particularly aesthetic: some of them look as if they were done with a biro. Others however are very fine little pieces of artwork, and I wonder what their significance is – my knowledge of Thai not being good enough to understand metaphysical matters, for these tattoos do have a spiritual significance.

Then again, there is the fashion for pictorial Western-style tattoos. This started to become evident in Bangkok a decade or so ago. Now of course there are tattoo artists everywhere. This style of tattoo has become popular amongst ladyboys, and some of them seem to regard themselves as a living canvas.

I frequently discover a large tattoo on a shoulder blade when I am taking photographs. Dragons are an especial favourite. My very dear friend Ice, who appears on the main site many times, has a swirling dragon pattern running horizontally across the base of her spine. I was really depressed when I saw she had had that done, because she has a most beautiful bum and to my mind that ugly bruise-coloured tattoo detracts from it.

Prize for the ladyboy with the most tattoos goes to Apple, also on the site in two sets. I have known Apple for more years than I care to remember, and for quite a while we had a steamy affair going. She was a gorgeous girl. Then she went off the rails a bit, and I lost track of her. When she re-emerged a couple of years ago, she had become The Amazing Illustrated Lady. Much as I love her, I find it all pretty off-putting.

Anyway, I have resolved to have the official Thai name for Bangkok tattooed on my willy. The longest place-name in the world, it is: Krung Thep Mahanakhon Amon Rattanakosin Mahinthara Yuthaya Mahadilok Phop Noppharat Ratchathani Burirom Udomratchaniwet Mahasathan Amon Phiman Awatan Sathit Sakkathattiya Witsanukam Prasit.

It would, of course, only become completely visible when I am looking at a ladyboy.