the third sex

A friend of mine in town for the past week or so and eagerly exploring Nana Plaza was puzzled by the sight of ladyboy clowns, who he saw wandering around the courtyard area. He asked me what they actually did.

I said that they would be putting on a show in one of the bars, and I’m not sure which one but it might be Hollywood. A girlie bar, anyway, because they are crowded: ladyboy bars attract an altogether different audience.

I added that ladyboy clowns, like ladyboys themselves, have a long tradition in Thailand. You can find them at temple fairs, at the nightclub-style cafes and, of course, at ladyboy cabarets. No doubt they go all the way back to the royal court entertainment of the days of Old Siam.

The clowns themselves are not necessarily ladyboys, but in appearance are somewhere between clown and drag queen: blacked-out teeth, big black nostrils, awesome wigs.

I have seen many of these acts over the years, and they can be extremely good. One of the funniest was at a talent show in the Ramkamhaeng district of Bangkok. The clown stood at a microphone, simpering, and started lip-syncing to a pop song. The joke was that something went wrong with the tape player and the music speeded up, and the clown tried to keep up with the pretence that he was miming to the increasingly frenetic song.

Best of all though was a double act that I saw in a ladyboy cabaret booked for a community party in Bangkok a few years ago. As I knew the performers, I was invited into the changing room before the show, where I tried desperately to pretend I wasn’t watching the ladyboys undressing and getting into their costumes. Instead I watched the two clowns putting on their makeup.

These were two middle-aged men, not in the least effeminate, although one had silicon breasts. Made-up, the one with breasts played the part of the woman, although with huge rubber genitalia sticking out the top of his pants. The other was made up as a man.

Out on the stage, the joke was that the man was trying to woo the woman, not seeing the enormous rubber cock that somehow got rammed into his face and his bottom at every opportunity, and on one occasion even using it as a peg to hang his jacket. The crowd fell about laughing, and I laughed so hard that tears came into my eyes. It was a brilliant performance.

So, if you are in Thailand and get the opportunity to catch one of these acts, I urge you to do so. A good one is unforgettable.