the third sex

Ding! dong! went the bell.

“Hurro! I your Guest Lerations Officer! Anything I can do help chew….”

Thank you, I said, I will call the front desk if I need anything. And I went back to unpacking my photographic gear.

Ding! dong!

“Housekeeping. I come to check your minibar.”

But I’ve only just checked in.

“Yes.”

I went back to unpacking the studio lights.

Ding! dong!

“Any laundly?”

No, I haven’t even unpacked my suitcase.

I put up the Do Not Disturb sign and carried on setting up the lights, this time in peace and quiet.

Anyone who has stayed in a four- or five-star hotel in Thailand will have been greatly impressed by the quality of the service, which is genuinely excellent, the Thais being naturally hospitable people. But it can go over the top, especially if you are looking for a bit of privacy to be doing something you shouldn’t be doing.

Like a pornographic photoshoot.

Curiously enough, pornography is illegal in Thailand. No matter that you can go to a bar in any of the red-light districts and see as many scantily-clad or naked girls, boys or ladyboys that you can handle; you can’t buy photographs of it. Not legally.

This odd double standard extends also to actually taking photographs. So when using a hotel for the shoots, it is important to keep a low profile. I have heard of too many photographers and film crews being busted, and I always maintain as discrete a presence as is possible when one is surrounded by a cloud of ladyboys.

Even so, I was surprised when checking into one of my favourite Bangkok hotels for photoshooting recently. This is a place I use regularly. I make sure that my camera gear and lights are well disguised when I check in and out, and I adopt a persona of respectability; as far as possible, anyway. The manager knows me by sight. It had always been a fond belief of mine that he just assumed I was a regular businessman visitor with a liking for ladyboys; lots of them. But no.

“You want breakfast coupon?” he asked. “Or only here to take photos?”

What could I say? What COULD I say? What could I SAY?

I’ll have the breakfast coupon, I replied, somewhat lamely.