the third sex

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One of the best things about being me is that I get some fascinating emails. Apart from the pure salacious, the downright adventurous and sometimes the absolutely hilarious, I also get some very thought provoking and informative correspondence. The writer of this item, who prefers to remain completely anonymous, has certainly taught me some facts I did not know. My thanks go to him for sharing this information.

One of the best reasons to visit Thailand is to meet ladyboys and what better to whet the appetite and sharpen the senses than the exceptional detail of Captain Outrageous’s photo galleries? There are so many views of each model and outstanding photographic attention paid to the exotic Thai cocks in all their states, shapes and sizes. No site I’ve seen pays such homage, so well, to the Thai male member.

However, a quick dip into ethnic sexology, which has quite a wealth of scientific info on the internet, seasoned with a dash of anthropology is also fun. Bizarre practises, ancient fetishes and big regional variations in sexual expression didn’t start with the Swinging Sixties. One of my favourites is the impossibly exotic Victorian explorer Sir Richard Francis Burton who spoke 19 languages, translated the Kama Sutra from Sanskrit and was said to personally sample every tribe or race, both male and female, he ever encountered.

Like most Easterners, Thais fit into the ’smaller’ category of cock – a sizing chart where Africans reign and Europeans come second. Not to say you cannot find some really ‘big’ ladyboys but those with fetishes for the gigantic will have a longer search in the East. And one is not talking relative size, since Thais are often short in body anyway.

Africans also have the longest, most tapered foreskins, the ‘aposthion’ so admired by the ancient (and bi-sexual) Greeks. Eastern Asians have the shortest foreskins and, as a glance in the galleries quickly shows, scant aposthions that are often baggy and seldom tapered.

Circumcision is a rarity in Thailand: Thais, except for a few Muslims from the South, are never put to the ‘knife’. Indeed circumcision is completely unknown in the traditional East – and Thais are very traditional.

Eastern people also have the highest incidence of phimosis, where the foreskin opening is too narrow to retract when erect (or at all) of any ethnic group. A study of young university males in China claimed 15 percent had phimosis against a world median of around 2 percent in adults.

The Japanese take phimosis very seriously, because it’s thought rude to show a cock with the foreskin up, even to one’s girlfriend. Going through LB photo galleries might give the idea that in Thailand, it’s rare to uncover the penis at all, even (or especially) at orgasm. Here’s a word of weird cultural advice – if you ever take a traditional Japanese bath, never get in with foreskin au naturel or you will cause serious offence and probably have the water ladle thrown at your nut.

The Koreans, always averse to things Japanese and perhaps reacting to centuries of colonial invasion have, on the other hand, recently taken to circumcision with a vengeance! Yet whilst Thai LBs seem not to mind any sort of radical gender surgery, often becoming ‘post-ops’ and having their willies sliced and diced, carved and cored into a vagina and labia or breasts and buttocks blown up with silicone and even Adam’s Apples ’shaved’ (ouch) it seems they are averse to any minor operation on a tight foreskin. One told me, ‘It not good but I scared of doctor.’ Now she’s a post-op.

You’ll spot lots of gals in the Captain’s galleries or other ladyboy sites who cannot retract their foreskin or only partially. There is often no cultural basis for surgery in the Orient – Chinese traditional medicine did not, for example, teach surgery at all. Is this the reason some Thais become LBs in their teens, because narrowness of the foreskin opening makes intercourse painful or impossible, and sometimes dangerous? It also means those LBs with phimosis cannot be tops and must take the passive role. Its worth investigating by any sexologist and let me volunteer.

Forced retraction can lead to dangerous swelling and a trip to the emergency room. Famous sufferers include Louis XVI of France, who was unable to make love to Marie Antoinette for many years until he was ’snipped’. His lack of heirs, and the rumour that Marie Antoinette (understandably) chose favours elsewhere made him disliked by the masses that he later had a far more serious condition, losing his other head – to the guillotine.

Is the average tourist aware that the Thai national health service offers free, expensive plastic surgery to repair foreskins damaged in accidents (that darned zipper again!) where every other socialised medical system would just slice the wounded bit off? Or that the Thai language has some half a dozen distinct words for various foreskins at various ages and stages of life?

Whatever, a LB lover will have a wonderful time with the amazingly diverse cocks of Thailand, from the creamy white and pink ones of Chiang Mai to dark and dusky members with heads the colour of ripe plums from Issan or the South – many with teasingly tight openings, novel foreskins and every shape or colour (curved seems almost a fashion and twisted 180 degrees on the axis is not unknown) in between. As was once said of London, when a man tires of the exotically different Thai cocks, he is tired of life.