the third sex

An American friend of mine has recently taken an apartment in Bangkok and aims to spend a few months of the year here. He has installed his ladyboy companion in the place to take care of it while he isn’t there. He contacted me the other day in a state of some agitation to say that she had been seen in one of the red-light areas looking for business. What should he do? Should he turn up unexpectedly with the idea of catching her out?

I said that, no, he shouldn’t do that because it would probably wreck the relationship. The best thing would be, on the next visit, to let his girl know that he knew. Do it indirectly, and be nice and understanding about it.

The thing is, that a teenage ladyboy is going to want to enjoy herself. She is probably just coming to terms with how attractive she is, and finding that she can seduce men. And if that means foreign men, then that means money. The ladyboy in question, like the majority of them, comes from a dirt-poor background. The usual thing…little village in Issan, father disappeared, mother scraping by. Making money from tourists to send back home, and with a bit of luck earn enough to buy a decent house and maybe later set up in a small business is what drives so many youngsters to become ladyboys in the first place.

As my friend said that he was not keeping the ladyboy, only giving her accommodation and a little money, the latter usually when he was in town, then I really felt he hadn’t a leg to stand on.

But I also told him that she was probably being extremely loyal to him. She would consider she was keeping her side of the bargain, and if she thought that she was upsetting him, she would be mortified. The thing is, that Thais are extremely loyal, particularly when money is involved. I don’t mean that in an overly cynical way: it comes from years of personal experience in the front line. They are able to compartmentalise their lives. Even now, there are Thai people that I know really well, and suddenly something will occur and I’ll realise that I knew only a fragment of their life. The side that they wanted me to see. Everything else was a mystery.

One more thing I told my friend: don’t be confrontational. It is part of the Western manner to tackle problems and arguments head on. But it is simply not like that in Thailand. Thais hate disputes, and will generally go to any length to avoid them. Confront a ladyboy with accusations of infidelity, and you have one seriously damaged relationship. Even if it is true.